1. How to write in cursive
2. How to drop an egg from a five-story building without breaking it
4. How to play Hot Cross Buns on the recorder
5. How to make the most badass erupting volcano
6. How to find a book using the card catalogue system
7. How to use long division
8. Memorizing the periodic table of elements
9. How to forge a river on the Oregon Trail
10. Memorizing the preamble to the U.S. Constitution
11. How to spell boobs on a calculator
13. Reciting the state capitals
14. How to make a potato battery
15. Learning to sing in a round
16. How to make a Cat's Cradle
17. How to make paper snowflakes
18. How to make a cootie catcher
19. How to play foursquare
20. How to do the Macarena
21. How to keep a Tamagotchi alive
22. How to make papier mache anything
23. How to make a shoebox diorama
24. How to care for a fake infant egg
Real children are slightly more complex.
25. How to grow a plant in a wet paper towel
26. How to line up by height
27. How to color in the lines
DAMMIT, MAX. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
29. Memorizing all of the presidents in order
30. How to navigate the Encyclopaedia Brittanica
31. How to find arrowheads
32. How to dissect a frog
33. How to say 'no' to drugs
34. How to put a condom on a phallic fruit
35. How to differentiate between different types of dinosaurs
36. How to cite a source using MLA
UPDATED: Apparently our previous picture was not in MLA. English teachers everywhere collectively cringed.
37. How to build a styrofoam solar system
Pluto's not even a planet anymore. WHY EVEN BOTHER?!
38. How to extract liquid from a pouch
39. How to use WordArt for fancy fonts
41. How to make an acrostic
42. How to write a book report
43. How to jump out of the back of a bus
Let's face it: If your bus is on fire, you get the fuck out however you can.
44. How to decorate for a dance
45. How to sell worthless coupon books
46. How to scratch and sniff
Have you ever tried scratching and sniffing someone in real life? Yeah, they don't like when you do that.
47. How to care for your Pokemon cards
Dude, your prized holographic Charizard card is worth like 15 cents.
48. How to make a tornado in a soda bottle
49. How to spell
Just spell check it, duh!
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